In mid-July I went to Texas for two weeks for work. I knew ahead of time it was going to be vastly different experience that the Chicago trip, not because of the work itself, but because of me.
Externally it was very different. The temperature was hovering around 107 degrees and Irving, where I was staying, was not a walking city. Except for a Saturday when I took an early morning walk around the canal, I was mostly in the office, a restaurant, or my hotel room. Everyone I encountered was welcoming and warm, and it felt very safe.
When I went to Chicago, I ate. A LOT. I’d planned to use that three-week trip as a way to detox, get away from the bad food influences of home. Instead I grasped that I was one of those bad influences, and hence ate a lot and drank at least one liquor drink every day, though drinking makes me feel sick.
So this time, I was not going to let that happen. The other difference was internal. My state of mind. I’m calmer and happier. Though I’d been in a similar place for a good clip, Ivy and I started going to a new church maybe a year ago and it’s helped even more. I’ll go off on a tangent for a minute to say I’ve never been a religious person except for about 2 years from about 19-21 when I threw myself into Catholicism.
I’ve always been of the thought that we’re all connected, and should strive for happiness. If we expect people to be good they will be, and if we expect things to go our way they will. And if they don’t, there’s probably a good reason for it, like we got off our path and “someone” was making sure we got back on. There’s not really a religion for that. Except to my surprise, there is. There are a bunch. The one we landed in is the Center for Spiritual Living, a little place in a shopping plaza walking distance from our house. Many of the authors I’ve read during my life like Wayne Dyer align with their beliefs. The center’s library is filled with books I’ve already read or exactly the type I would if I had time. Ivy’s led a couple of sound baths there and it’s such a good community for us. I’m not going to delve into all the tenets of center but it’s been a good fit for me, and Ivy, and baby Trevie who loves the people and the music.
So when I got to Texas, in this happy and free state of mind, I decided to detox from sugar, soda, and TV. Instead of eating a pizza and a brownie in bed and binge watching something on the hotel TV, I ate out almost every night with colleagues (mostly healthy), and didn’t watch TV except once because it was Skinwalker Ranch and I had to see what happened. When I got back to my hotel room each night, having sworn off TV and fiction writing, I had nothing to do but read. Granted I brought my watercolors and painted a couple of pictures but it wasn’t what I wanted this time around. Watercolor of the waterfall outside my hotel room.
Each night I’d read Wayne Dyer’s The Power of Intention and feel good about his words because it’s how I was already living my life, though there were some new great tips in there. One night there was a chapter about writing down intentions. So I pulled out a notebook and started writing, things like: the kids can afford to get their own house, I continue to avoid sugar, my body is healthy…stuff like that.
I recalled something Dyer had said in one of the audiobooks, something he’d learned from someone else about water. Paraphrasing, it was “be like water. Flow. Water doesn’t force people to swim in it, or stop for people.” I’d been using that as a mantra for several weeks and it helped me not to try to control situations and people. So that night as I was writing I wrote, “I am water, a peaceful river, flowing, watching people, young and old, on the shore, living their lives, loving and hating, birthing and killing, consoling and torturing each other.” I kept going that night and the next.
On the third night, I typed it all out because my handwriting is terrible and I knew if I waited I’d never be able to decipher it. As I typed, I saw it was a long poem, with a message, and flow, like a river. I added to it, made an ending and all the while was envisioning I’d do pen and ink illustrations, like Shel Silverstein. It would be in hardcover and people would read it and smile and feel uplifted. I could picture turning the pages in my hand and smiling at the drawings. Just thinking about it, seeing it complete. brought me so much joy.
Once I got home, still soda and sugar free, and having gained no weight on my work trip, I was on a mission. I painted a cover, did my 40 illustrations, and painted a back cover. It didn’t matter to me that I had no idea how to market such a book or what it was really. Who was my audience? Spiritual? Self-help? Poetry? New age? Yes, maybe all of those. What matters is that I could see it published. Ryan cautioned me that I can’t draw, but I decided that wouldn’t stop me because I wasn’t going for realism. To save myself from redrawing, I decided to draw a back drop and use cutouts for the tress, people, etc. stuck on with putty. I really like the 3rd look and shadow so that will be a cool effect in the book. These pictures below will mean nothing without the context of the poem but here are some examples nonetheless. Now it’s six weeks later and I’m handing it off the Ryan to layout and publish.
A couple of weeks ago, Trevor’s grandfather died. Ryan and I only met him once the night before the baby shower, but he was kind, and until a year ago or so ago, healthy. Cancer exacerbated by other factors got him in the end. It drove home how short anyone’s time here can be and made me want to be healthier. It’s not about losing weight, it’s about getting my body as chemical free as it can be so if something does come up, it’ll be a blip I can fight. I’m still soda free going on six weeks and artificial sweetener free, and as of a couple of weeks ago, coffee free (mainly because of a COVID headache I couldn’t shake) then the realization that though coffee isn’t bad, the creamer I use whose main ingredient is corn syrup, and all the Sweet-n-Low may not be a good way to start my day.
I’m at a very peaceful, happy time in my life. Seeing Ivy everyday and watching Trevie learn new words and spread his happy baby love is intoxicating. Trevor is working full time, and Ryan is as always present and reliable and loving. Ivy has embarked on a doula career and is providing emotional and other support to women having babies. There are some/many people who are suspicious or resentful whenever anyone is too happy. Surely I must be hiding something, pretending…That’s kind of too bad for them because expecting to be happy, and then enjoying it when it manifests is a good feeling. Being around a lot of other people who feel the same way, it’s like a great hive of bees buzzing joy and happiness.
I hope you all are inspired by my words, and will be by my poem book and drawings.
Stay happy and expect miracles
Love,
Carly G.
Rebound Dogs and My New Life 